Friday, 18 January 2013

The Rings of Lordy and the Return of the King

So I've done something I thought I'd never do...

I purchased Oblivion!

Sadly, at this moment in time I don't have my super duper ultra computer, so I was forced to play the game with minimum graphics settings.

And of course, I took this opportunity to go appropriately batshit insane on the game world:

I AM LORDY
FEAR MY REIGN



My mad Argonian Prince ran amok the world of (um, Oblivion?) Terrorizing cattle and Punching boulders to prove his Amphibious Gar to the world.

Soon after escaping from his prison cell in the Imperial city insane Asylum, Samuel L. Lordy ran wild across the hobo-filled streets; his hysterical laughter and crude behavior screeched their ways through the alleys and avenues, initially ignored by the populace.

Until eventually he insulted a woman.

The uproar of the police force was so abhorrent that Lordy was forced out of town - in the ensuing Chaos he mounted a nearby horse, desperate to escape the clutches of injustice, and feeling that heese were free creatures and so any man would have the right to mount one.

He turned out to be wrong, unsurprisingly, but managed to get away despite it. 

The scene of our story now turns to a farmhouse not too far away from the city walls.

 Lordy: I Request lodging for the night!
 Random Female: And who the bluddiell finwhizler ah yu then?
 Lordy: I am Lordy! Hero of the universe!
 Random Female: Well ah-kay then. You think yer some run-a-tha-mill 'ero do ye?
 Lordy: No. You misunderstand.
 Random Female: Some right ol' facka finkin' 'e can jus waltz down any road 'e please...
 Lordy: Some people call me the Hero of Justice...
 Random Female: All ye with yer long speeches an' 'ero play...
 Lordy: Others call me the Saviour of Our Time...
 Random Female: Why if yewd been threw th' life eye been...
 Lordy: There was once a time where I was known as the Champion of Lizard Races...
 Random Female: Yew'd be up ya litta lizard's gullet wi' fear.
 Lordy: But Forever on... One thing shall be known...


I AM LORDY!
 Random Female: ...
 Random Female: Well do come en then.

Lordy was escorted into the woman's house for tea and biscuits, however she was unsure of whether he should be allowed to stay the night.

Lordy sat down in the strangely decorated abode. Above the mantle rested the severed head of Tha'ruagah, (or at least that is what Lordy envisioned his name to have been.)

Lordy reminisced on what a man Tha'ruagah had been. So noble in reason, so infinite in faculty. A proud Argonian if there ever was one. In fact, there were many proud Argonians scattered across the room. And not just their heads either, the carpets were made out of them, and the blinds, and even the bedsheets, and...

Before Lordy even knew what he was doing -



Woops.


Gufufu, she's naked. That makes everything better.


Oh no...


Here it comes...


Any second now...


Come on...



Lordy Ran.




How far did he run?

He ran into the next episode.





(Far)

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